Stand proud America! Be proud that you recognized that the President of the United States is a role model for your children. Be proud that you realized that our 45th president’s tweets repeatedly included hatred and bullying toward fellow American citizens that you didn’t feel was something that a role model should be doing. Stand Proud America. 4 years from now, America will not be Venezuela ; America won’t be Cuba; America will still be America; the “Kinder Gentler America” that a President who I greatly respected, George H.W. Bush so very much wanted.Stand proud America! Be proud that you recognized that the President of the United States is a role model for your children. Be proud that you realized that our 45th president’s tweets repeatedly included hatred and bullying toward fellow American citizens that you didn’t feel was something that a role model should be doing. Stand Proud America. 4 years from now, America will not be Venezuela ; America won’t be Cuba; America will still be America; the “Kinder Gentler America” that a President who I greatly respected, George H.W. Bush so very much wanted.

Listen up… especially my Cuzzins and Homies.

Virginia’s recent LGBTQ’s anti discrimination law is a great example of how situations can change and people can change with them. Virginia was one of the most Conservative states for gay rights, holding the view that being gay was a “mental disorder” and against God’s teachings. Gays were discriminated against and even murdered because people there believed that God believed gays to be Satan. Now, Virginia leads the way in LGBTQ rights in the South the same way that Germany has done a complete 180 on Jews and embraces all religions. I know Orthodox Jews who feel comfortable on Lufthansa, Germany’s Airline and who vacation in Deutschland appreciating that the attitude of the people toward them is the opposite of what the people had when Hitler was their leader. They don’t forget their history, but they don’t blame those who are living today for what was once done to them. Many Black people continue to have anger at whites for the years of oppression, prejudice, discrimination , slavery and other injustices that were inflicted upon them and they continue to transfer that anger to white people today. History is important, but more important is how history made changes in Human Rights and how people are NOW as a result of those changes. Whites haven’t done a complete 180 the way Germany has with the Jews, but they are trying. Americans are welcome to visit Vietnam today, a Country where we killed countless people including innocent people just 50 years ago. Americans are welcome to visit Hiroshima Japan where 80,000 Japanese died instantly from the atomic bomb America dropped on the city and over 120,000 more died a slow painful death from radiation fallout. Times change, people change. People learn from their mistakes of the past. The world evolves. People evolve. Remember the past, but “Live for today!”

One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that how important someone is to an individual may not correspond to the frequency of contact. My cousin Helen is a great example. My only contact with her over the years has been her Christmas card and accompanying letter. Each year I would receive an amazing card from her filled with great vibes and amazing messages “. In her letter she would share her special experiences from the year that passed which always included the volunteer work that she did during the year at Prisons. She is part of a ministry that meets with inmates and helps them by awakening and strengthening their spiritual energies. Knowing that I’ve worked with inmates, she has sent me some terrific books relating to the potential healing power possible in prison. I always wait for her annual card which would arrive a day before Christmas and on Christmas Day I’d write my message in response and send my Holiday card to her. This year I eagerly awaited to receive that card, but it never came. So on New Year’s Day I’ll take the time to write to her and send her a card. I only hear from her once a year, but that communication is so important and so special. Thinking about it, getting her card is similar to the feeling a child feels on Christmas morning knowing Santa cared enough to pay a visit.

In the mid 1950’s, Union, the town I grew up in had many farms. A woman named Hazel Headly owned one of them and sold some of her farmland to a developer named Fenster. My parents were looking for a place to purchase a home where they could raise a child. My parent’s relatives lived in Newark and Irvington NJ and the adjacent town was Union.  My parents ended up purchasing a new home from Mr. Fenster in an area of Union that was to become known as “Collegiate Estates” not because any college actually existed there, but because the street names all were prominent college names.  “Down the hill” from where I lived (2 blocks actually) were two tremendous broadcast towers that locals called “The Beam Lights” because of the lights atop them warning planes on approach to Newark Airport. My pediatrician and allergy MD were located in Newark NJ and my parents always took local streets (rather than the Garden State Parkway) to save the 25 cent toll at the Union Toll Plaza. When we drove down Union Ave, I noticed a small tiny “shack” adjacent to the “Beam Lights” that had a tiny parking lot adjacent to it. When I expressed an interest in the shack, my parents warned me that it was “off limits” and was “dangerous”. Naturally, like any kid, when something is “off limits” and “dangerous” I wanted to find out more. So, thankfully, my parents gave me the freedom to ride my bicycle wherever I wanted to and several days I rode my bike to the entrance to the driveway to the “shack” that was adjacent to the “Beam Lights”.  I decided not to defy my parents’ commands, but stayed on my bike on the sidewalk of Union Ave. One day, a limo drove up, and a very professional looking black woman stepped out of the limo and entered the “shack”. On another occasion, a professional looking black man entered “The Shack”. That day, I got lucky because the limo driver walked over to me and started to converse with me. He said that I seemed curious and I told him that “The Shack” was off limits to me but I was intrigued by the fact that limos kept arriving and well dressed black people stepped out of the limos and entered “The Shack”. That’s when I learned about WNJR. WNJR was a radio station broadcasting on the AM band. The station at the time was a black radio station. The station’s broadcast towers and studios were located in my home town of Union. However, because of an agreement that the town had with Union Township, WNJR agreed to say that they were broadcasting from Newark NJ. Union, at the town, was a very segregated town and the black people in Union lived in the Vauxhall section and in a small section adjaced to Vaux Hall Road between Route 22 and Salem Road. So, WNJR couldn’t say that it was broadcasting from where it was really broadcasting from, for several reasons. When I continued to speak with the limo driver, I asked who he had brought to “The Shack” and he told me “Sammy Davis Jr.” . He told me that his colleagues had brought Leontyne Price and Martin Luthur King Jr to the studios. He explained to me that WNJR was a black talk radio station and prominent individuals in the entertainment world would visit to be interviewed on radio. It was getting late so I went back home. I was convinced that my parents must have gotten word because the next day my mom said, “remember, dont you EVER go near that shack on Union Ave!  Today I look back on those days and think about how much my life might have been different if I had met with Leontyne Price, Sammy Davis Jr. and Dr. Martin Luthur King Jr. I had a wonderful piece of history two blocks away from where I lived but irrational fear prevented me from being a part of it. For some reason, it reminds me of the movie The Shape of Water where the unknown is considered the enemy and the aggressor because nobody ever took the time to communicate. Today, the “Beam Lights” are gone as is the “shack”. But the memory lingers…

In 1955 my parents purchased a home in a new development in Union NJ called “College Estates”. One of the reasons that they chose to buy a home their was the proximity to elementary, junior high, and high schools. I grew up in Union and from K- grade 5 attended Franklin Elementary School. Then came grade 6. Union decided to centralize grade 6 at “Central 6” in the Vauxhall Neighborhood of Union. That translated to “Black neighborhood” in order to comply with the national desegregation that was going on at the time. Now, even though Union was technically “segregated” at that time, with Black residents residing in two specific areas, I can’t say that Union was ever “Prejudiced”. My parents had problems with my attending “Central Six”. They had no problems with the integration. They had problems with being bussed. So, my parent’s enrolled me in St. Michael’s for 6th , 7th and 8th grade. When I was in the eighth grade, my parent’s arranged for me to attend “Open Houses” for three Catholic High Schools: Roselle Catholic, Union Catholic, and Seton Hall Prep. My parents really wanted me to go to Seton Hall Prep because they saw that as a line from prep to college to medical school.  My first open house was at Union Catholic. Union Catholic, sorry to say, didn’t inspire me at all. My second open house was at Seton Hall Prep. There I met with a religion instructor who told me that the words of the Bible are meant to be taken literally.  My third open house was at Roselle Catholic. There I met with a religion teacher who told me that the Bible was written by man but inspired by God. He said there are contradictions all over the Bible so it is not to be taken literally. He told me that it designed to be a guide for living but NOT to be taken literally. Needless to say I agreed with him and ended up at Roselle Catholic. I NEVER regretted  my choice. More on RC in a later blog.

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The American people today are unable to separate an artist’s work from who they are as a person. In the 70’s, Donna Summer rose to fame largely because of a gay fan base who embraced her music. Then she was “Born Again” and turned her back on and condemned the very people who made her famous. Yet, her work was still respected even by gays. Michael Jackson had numerous sex abuse allegations many substantiated. Yet his work as an artist remained respected. Recently, James Levine whose work with the Met Opera was world renowned over 40+ years was charged with sex abuse allegations, and the Met Opera is doing everything possible to erase any reference to to any connection of James Levine and the Met Opera. Roman Polanski won Best Director for The Pianist in 2003, but people are currently erasing any reference to his work in the movie industry. People need to separate the work that an artist does from their personal life and personal and political views. By America’s PC attitude today, All In The Family would have been cancelled after the first episode aired if it even got that far, and The Broadway Musical “The Producers “ would have closed after the first preview (if it got that far) and Don Rickles would never have been a successful comedian because of the numerous people who were “offended” by being the “victims” of his comedy. If Mozart were alive and living in the US today he’d be boycotted.

Over the past few years, I’ve watched a number of movies while exercising in my home gym room. Some movies have been wonderful, some terrible, but for some reason, Manchester by the Sea stands out as one of the most memorable.

When I first watched this movie, I disliked it. I had no empathy for the main character other than agreeing with him that he shouldn’t make the choice of carrying an additional burden on his shoulders for life, despite the fact that others might look upon this as as repentance for his prior actions. When I watched the movie a second time, knowing what burden he was already carrying, I had more empathy for the main character, but I still didn’t like it.  Spoiler time… Lee feels that he is responsible for the deaths of his children so it is completely understandable that when he is asked to raise his nephew he is unable to. I mean. Let’s be real. You think you are a total failure and responsible for the death of your children. The police listen to your account of the matter and say “OK” and let you go, dismissing your feelings of responsibility. This weren’t a couple of deer; these were your children. You live your life with the guilt of what you’ve done even though others say it was an “accident” and forgive you but you can’t forgive yourself. Then you are asked to be the guardian for your nephew.  Yet your own conscience thinks you are a failure and not able to supervise any child again because of what happened.

On both viewings, I was also really put off by the dramatic music. Don’t get me wrong… the music can stand on it’s own but where and when it was used seemed annoyingly manipulative to me.

Despite this, I REALLY wanted to like this movie, and watched it a third time. On third viewing, I chose to focus on Lee’s nephew rather than Lee and tried to watch the movie from the nephew’s perspective. THAT made it a whole different experience and I ended up liking it, (except for the annoying music).

Back in 1984 when I proudly left NYU’s school of social work with my MSW degree in hand, I felt like I was entering a profession where I could effectively help people make a change in their daily lives. My first job, at a group residence for teenagers who had left the hospital but were unable to return home for various reasons paid little, but was emotionally rewarding. Throughout the years, I worked with a variety of Organizations in various roles always feeling like I made a difference in people’s lives. In recent years, while working at a Mental Health Clinic, I became involved in Working with teenagers in the community. Many of these young people were involved in gangs. By getting an understanding of these young people and their families, I was able to intervene in a helpful manner. When the Mental Health Clinic ceased operations due to a lack of profitability, I began working at Rikers, first on a “Bloods Dorm” then doing suicide watch assessments and finally, serving as Clinician in a Program House developed as an alternative to 23 hour solitary confinement for inmates who had multiple, violent infractions. In each case the most important factor in successfully working with the clientele that I worked with and making a difference was the result of having a unique ability to work with the population. This ability comes from experience and incorporates several factors including personality, style of relating, and an “intuitive sense”. It can’t be “taught” and there is no “evidence based” protocol that is connected to it. See, life isn’t “Evidence Based”. Life is being human and we as living creatures relate to others as human beings, not as scientific experiments. At the present time, however, I have been placed in an environment that is “evidence based driven” to the point that it feels like the uniqueness of the individuals are dismissed as irrelevant or seen as “variables” that gets in the way of accurate data analysis. Hopefully, I’ll soon find a way to once again use the unique talents and abilities that I’ve used in the past to help others.